Your circle of friends and acquaintances contain wonderful, inspiring and fun people that make of all or most of the above personality types. At least they are that way when we see them alone, or in very small groups. But have you ever noticed how perfectly stable people act differently when in larger groups that are comprised of people they don’t know? Let’s pretend to have a gathering and have put the 9 personality types mentioned above together and see what might happen. Not everybody does this all the time, but enough people do it enough of the time to sometimes take the enjoyment out of gatherings that we so carefully plan and look forward to. When people do act out of character (the personality in which know them personally), it’s called an ego war or a vanity competition. They do it solely out of insecurity, because they are afraid they will be ignored when in a large group, or, at the very least, not recognized for their worth and or achievements. Sometimes they act differently unconsciously, just as a defense that appears when they are in larger groups. Take a look at what happens to people and why:
The high-achievers, or ambitious personality types, are always very confident, which is one of their keys to their success. However, they don’t like negative conversations and they often feel the need to pretentiously reveal their achievements or accomplishments. That’s called posturing. Posturing can be an attitude revealed through body position or body language, it isn’t always verbal. Ambitious personality types often need acquaintances to be just as proud of them as they are of themselves. It’s all part of being a high-achiever, aka ambitious. New acquaintances will often accuse this personality type of showing , and phone you tomorrow to tell you all about their opinion.
Observers are a personality type that are very interesting as friends, but they are generally a bit distant in groups and might not miss an opportunity in a gathering to boast about their knowledge, something called intellectual arrogance. They speak quietly and unyieldingly when giving their opinions. Observers put a lot of work not looking foolish, and sometimes this translates into their becoming critical of other guests. As mentioned above, all this might be an unconscious defense. This is the guest that may phone you the next morning to tell you that some of your other guests are pretty shallow.
It goes without saying that helpers make great friends, however, they don’t mix well with people who are unaware of their virtues. Helpers are generally anxious people and need to be reassured regularly and have someone tell them they are appreciated and loved. Sometimes, at gatherings, helpers end up telling people who hardly know them how much they are loved because of their selflessness. People who feel a need to tell others how frequently they pray are included in this category. Generally speaking, high achievers and observers are hopelessly bored helpers. Eventually, they will tell you all about how bored they were at your gathering.
Questioners are very necessary in the world and in our lives; they are great friends and keep us grounded and aware of things we should be doing more of. But often they are also anxious people. When questioners are put into a large group in which they don’t know people well, their anxiety comes to the surface and they begin to try to dominate a conversation by spouting their theories about negative politics, how long our planet is going to survive, terrorism, the slow death of polar bears and gorillas, and all the similar exhausting matters that we know about and are sympathetic but don’t want to get into during a friendly gathering. Although they almost can’t help themselves without coming across as having no personality at all, more than one guest will mention to you the next day how annoying the questioner was at your gathering.
Perfectionists are to be admired. They are productive, self-disciplined, idealistic, orderly and reliable. They make wonderful friends if they are not excessively preoccupied control. But that is not the way they show themselves when they find themselves in the middle of a mixed social gathering. Then they come across as overly serious, controlling, judgmental and often inflexible. Sometimes they compete to be the center of attention. Perfectionists have a hard time not being shown appreciation by others, even strangers. You can imagine how your ambitious friends are going to react to the perfectionist that you invited to your gathering. Your friends who are questioners and observers might even react to a perfectionist by unconsciously trying to dominate the conversation. Of course, they may also do it consciously. It could be that a lot of your guests, the ones who are not perfectionists, will question your inclusion of the perfectionist on your guest list.
Peacemakers are natural mediators and make excellent friends as they can always see both sides of a disagreement. They teach us to say no and help us to avoid confrontation. Peacemakers, who are known to be receptive, seem like they would make easy guests, but that is not always true. At least, not if they are human. Although they normally try to keep a harmonious environment, peacemakers sometimes become passive-aggressive or defensive when in a group because they worry about how others see them. Owing to the fact that they are sometimes unassertive, they can easily get the feeling that they are being ignored when thrown into a gathering. Peacemakers don’t take pressure well, and large gatherings are sometimes perceived and felt as pressure. If a peacemaker goes into passive-aggressive mode, it is going to be difficult for all those around. A passive-aggressive peacemaker will become sarcastic, give backhanded compliments, and sometimes even reveal a bit of underlying anger. This behavior makes everybody uncomfortable and is certain to be a cause for comments the day after your gathering.
Asserters are self-propelled, energetic, loyal and competitive. Who doesn’t want an enthusiastic friend who will often take the planning for organizing of something? Asserters usually take other people’s needs into consideration and are highly respected. However, their domineering personalities do especially poorly if they are thrown into a group that has another asserter, and then they can become combative, uncompromising and arrogant. If our imaginary gathering is serving anything alcoholic, there is going to be contention. As asserters are often self-centered; they really need to have their achievements acknowledged.
Touchy-Feely personality types have countless positive characteristics and, as we already know, are easy to get along with. They are affectionate and generally have high self-esteem. Interestingly, they usually have lower blood sugar and lower blood pressure and are less likely to suffer from loneliness. However, touchy-feely personality types are typically searching for the meaning of life, while at the same time they are striving not to be ordinary. They might take advantage of the gathering to try to manipulate others into believing whatever they believe or they might become overly moralistic. Or a touchy-feely personality could go the other way and become withdrawn and a bit depressed, and you will hear about that during countless telephone calls after the gathering.
Adventurers are fun loving, spontaneous and curious. They like to reinvent themselves and experiment with new passions. However, they are often narcissistic and restless. When in groups, adventurers sometimes show their other side, a side in which they cannot laugh at themselves, a side that thinks in terms of black and white because the “know” they have the truth. Adventurers are usually overly competitive, and mostly don’t like to lose. They can’t be told what to do easily, and often try to use the gathering to push their theories or stories of present and past glories others.
In a worst-case scenario, this is how your gathering turns out: Your guest the adventurer has found an audience to listen the tale of his latest adventure. Unless this person is world-famous and the rest of your guests are in awe of him, your ambitious guest will soon react to the story by showing off and cutting off the adventurer with story of his own. Then the observer will interrupt with some kind of critical comment. The questioner will soon weigh by mentioning the dangers of such an adventure. Following that, the perfectionist will try to take over the adventurer’s status as center of attention. The peacemaker will join in with a sarcastic passive-aggressive remark that few will notice. That’s about the time when the asserter will decide to take over the whole conversation by telling a tale that he is sure will one-up the adventurer. But the touchy-feely guest will interrupt by beginning a lecture on the environmental damage adventurers and asserters often cause. Meanwhile, the helper personality type has gone into a bored stupor, embarrassing everyone.
I was born near the end of WWII and raised in a small town in New Jersey, just a little more than a 30-minute drive from NYC. It was a wonderful place to be brought up, feeding ducks and canoeing on the river that meandered through the town in the summer, and ice-skating on that same river in the winter.
My two brothers and I were privileged to be raised in a lovely town that was safe to explore on foot, but close enough to NYC to be taken there on day trips to see the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Baily B & B circus, museums, Chinatown, street fairs in the spring and Broadway shows as we grew older. But we thought nothing of it.
Later as teens, we would go into NYC to buy a couple of beers (the drinking age in New York State was 18, and 21 in New Jersey) and hang out in Greenwich Village where we saw singers such as Bob Dylan who were on the first rung of the ladder on their way to fame.
The sixties were a time of speaking out and creating change. I decided to do my part by joining the Peace Corps, an innovative cold war program established by John F. Kennedy in 1961. I arrived in Brazil at the end of 1966, and after an adaptation period, was sent to serve in Porto Nacional, in what was Goias at that time. I can’t say I changed the course of the country, especially as I was immediately called upon to teach English in the local high school.
I have been teaching ever since; high schools, college literature, college language pedagogy, financial English and everything in-between. I married a wonderful Brazilian from Rio and we had 3 boys and moved around some, as he was an engineer who worked on hydro dams. Nowadays I am a widow and live in BH with 3 cats, one of which has extraordinary powers, and I have 4 wonderful and uniquely different grandchildren nearby. Thus far, I have had an interesting life, and this new endeavor called a blog should make it even more interesting.
Tattoos have been around for more than 5,000 years. Egyptians, for example, used tattoos to differentiate between peasants and slaves, a kind of social branding. But ink art, which is what some fans like to call tattooing, has really exploded in the past 25 years. But not all of us have succumbed to this fad. And many of us who don’t have a tattoo have a favorite mug. Having a tattoo or becoming attached to a mug are not dissimilar. According to research, 60% of Americans say they have an emotional attachment to a favorite mug. And about 40% said their special mug was irreplaceable, and about 1/3 of those said they would be devastated if it broke. Personally, I think that most of these people don’t have tattoos. Mugs and tattoos are both an extension of our personalities, and both express the way we would like the world to perceive us. That is not to mention, of course, that those of us who have tattoos or mugs are often irrationally attached to them.
Blackberries – Blueberries – Raspberries – Strawberries Nutritious food is nourishing and efficient as food in the sense that it gives you the sufficient amount of nutrients such as vitamins, carbohydrates and proteins that you need to survive. Healthy food is food that promotes good health, in other words, prevents illness and keeps you younger longer. I. All of the berries above are healthy and nutritious. However, according to nutritional content, total carbohydrates,…
I learned to bake with baking tins, so that’s what I call them, although today they are often made of glass, ceramic, silicone, aluminum, aluminized steel, carbon steel, non-stick anodized aluminum, cast aluminum, and iron. Many people call them baking pans. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that you need to keep in mind when you are buying new baking essentials is…